The topic of borrowing is on my mind so I decide why not take a moment to write about it. I am not a borrower let's just get that right out in the open. This is more out of stubborn pride and a need to do everything myself. I just plain feel guilty about asking for help of any kind. The borrowing aspects has not been so much of a problem but the asking for help part is a whole other story. Anyways, to get back on the topic of borrowing. I have been in a mood about it for a while and may have reflected my problem with one particular person onto the world at large... If you are reading this I don't mean you !!!!
I have a neighbor friend who borrows EVERYTHING and anything! At first I was a very willing lender but over the last few years I have become much less giving and I really don't like that about myself. The true extent of this person's borrowing is astounding. Personally, I get leery of answering any question she might have because it has begun to feel like everything is a trick question LOL. Okay back to the borrowing thing. We have lent her family everything you could think of over the years and each and every time it has taken months to a year or more to get it back. Many things we have lent she has subsequently lent to other people in her circle of friends before returning (without asking mind you). Most times to actually get anything back I am put in the uncomfortable situation of asking for it back which makes me feel bad. A number of items have been well worn or damaged from months of being passed around who knows where. The aspect of the borrowing that truly drives me crazy is forever hearing how this particular family has no money. Yet, I know from discussions that her husband earns significantly more than mine and they have relatively no debts. The borrowing is alway justified by the "poverty". I have attempted to offer a number of money saving ideas but these are simply inconvenient.
Further boggling my mind is that she has no interest in attempting to earn money to contribute to her family....
The hard thing is I truly enjoy talking with this person but feel now like I am perpetually on my guard. If it is not borrowing it is asking personal favors on the spur of the moment. A simple "What are you doing today?" most often turns into "I don't feel well can you take my kid's?" or "Can we have a ride ...". There is very little gratitude and a great amount of expectation on her behalf. Don't even get me started on the lack of consideration for the health of others when her family is sick !!!
You might ask why I continue to be friends with this person? Quite simply she is one person who I feel completely comfortable around. There is no expectation that I talk or speak or believe a certain way. She knows that I have a different point of view on the world on some topics and takes me for what I am. This is refreshing and good for someone like myself who is not a social butterfly. I do not feel like I am a project around her. She is a gracious and caring person who opens her home and life freely to others. In that respect I have much to learn. Much to learn. She forces me to come out of my shell and dive into the world around me.
Crazy does she drive me crazy? Yes, indeed. How do you deal with a borrower? You get mad... you feel guilty... you blog... you move on...you hope other's forgive you for seeming selfish in a moment of feeling used... and you blog some more...
You considering investing in those little cards the library used to use and implement a fine system!
